The End of a Chapter

Wow. It’s been a minute. Life has been hectic, amazing, busy, overwhelming, wonderful, and… well… beautifully imperfect. Let’s play a little catch up. I promise all of this information is important in understanding the meat of my post.

In May of 2019, Simon turned one and Joel got hired on full time at his job. It was truly an answer to prayers. That meant he would get paid time off, benefits, and all of the other perks he had been missing out on as a contractor. Then, in June of 2019, Joel and I decided we wanted to start trying for baby #2. This would mean that our kids would be about two years apart. In late July, we found out I was pregnant! It was so unexpected that it happened so quickly (since it took us a year to get pregnant with Simon) but we were so excited. We began planning out all of the changes that would be coming so quickly. Joel is a big planner, I’m more  of a “lets wing it and see what happens” kind of person, but obviously that isn’t a great philosophy when it comes to raising humans.

The first thing we always plan is money- what would our budget look like adding another baby to the mix? What did we need to cut from our budget? What would the big purchases need to be? Did we need to do anything before the baby arrived? How much would daycare be for two? How much would our insurance change? These were questions we discussed for weeks. Then the question came up that I never dreamed would happen- what if I quit my job? I’ve always loved the idea of being a stay at home mom, but never thought it would be a real possibility. Afterall, I’ve always been the one with the “good insurance,” but that all changed when Joel got hired on full time.

After a few more weeks of discussing, praying, and looking at our budget a million different ways, we realized that we could- realistically- make this happen if its something we wanted. Then came the next big question- Am I ready to give up my passion of teaching? This is something I really struggled with. I cried- multiple times- at the thought of not being in the classroom. But then I realized, I wouldn’t be giving it up. I’m simply choosing to teach my own children for the next few years.

Disclaimer: I, in no way, think that working moms aren’t teaching their children. I don’t think they’re choosing their passion over their kids. And I certainly don’t think they’re any less of a mom than the mom who stays home. 

And here’s the point of the post…

After a lot of prayer, I decided that God was calling me to stay home. I was blessed to be given two children from God. I realized that I wanted to be the one that raised them- not anyone else. There are so many lies in the world that I wanted to take time to be with my kids and pour truth into their lives. I wanted this precious time- that I would never get back- to spend with them. Playing, learning, growing. These are things I had missed with Simon’s first year, and I decided I didn’t want to continue to miss out.

I didn’t want to tell my coworkers or principal until I was 100% certain that this is what God was calling me to do. This happened around October 2019. I cried and cried. Leaving my school wasn’t just leaving a job. It was leaving my home and my family. I was thankful that they were supportive and understanding. We even discussed opportunities for me to continue being involved in the school and community- becoming a booster for a club, volunteering to be a mentor to some students in need, and other opportunities that might arise over the next few years. This would ensure that I was keeping my relationships with my students, staying involved in the school, and able to still hold onto my passion of working with teens. And although I am leaving the classroom, it’s not a goodbye- it’s a see you later- I will be back!

This decision has been both extremely easy and tough at the same time. It was made all the more difficult in February 2020 when the Covid-19 virus shut down our school. Although I had just started maternity leave, I wasn’t prepared for the school to close for the remainder of the year. Instead of having the last week in May to pack up and say goodbye to my students and friends, my last year got cut short. I won’t get to say goodbye. My students won’t get to hear “I love you and I’ll be back to check on you.” My seniors won’t get the congratulations hug that I was holding on to in my mind. There will be no “have a great summer” parties. Everything that I was planning for my last few moments in the classroom was gone.

But God is sovereign. None of this took Him by surprise. Although it isn’t how I wanted to end the first chapter of my teaching career, it’s exactly how He saw fit to do so. I don’t always understand His plans, but I know that He works everything together for our good (Romans 8:28). I know that His ways are higher than mine (Isaiah 55:8-9).  Even though I’m sad about losing those moments, I can take comfort in knowing that the Lord is with me, and I’m so excited to see what He has planned for me in the next chapter of my life as a stay at home mom. I’m going to miss the classroom terribly, but I know that going where God is calling me- to stay home with my two littles- is going to bring me so much joy.

I’m looking forward to sharing this journey with you, too! Be sure to subscribe to join me as I document my newest adventure of being a stay at home mommy!