Practical Parenting

Parenting is really hard, but I assume I’m not telling you anything you don’t know. My kids are only toddlers (I say that in both seriousness and sarcastically) and I already feel the weight of parenting. It’s such a heavy responsibility. Don’t get me wrong- being a mother is one of the best things to ever happen to me. I love my kids. I love being with them, watching them, playing with them sometimes, and just overall being their mom. It brings me so much joy to watch them grow and learn. But being a parent is one of those things that you don’t know what it’s like until you become one. On top of that, I didn’t know the seriousness of parenting and raising a child until I became a mom.

I always wanted to be a teacher, a wife, and then a stay at home mom. It’s something I’ve always known I wanted to do. When I would imagine it, I would picture the cute outfits and the games. The messy crafts. The bonding moments. The loud laughter and sounds of little feet. What I didn’t imagine was the worry and fear. The tantrums and difficult parenting decisions. The constant guessing game of “how do we deal with THIS!?” Not only do I worry about my children’s health and safety, but there’s a whole other element. I worry about their future. Their social life. Their emotional and mental health. And most of all, I worry about my kids’ spiritual life. Will I be a “godly enough mom” to show them the way of the Lord? Am I talking to them enough about the gospel? Are my actions apparent enough to lead them to God? With EVERYTHING going on in the world overtake my kids? Will their friends lead them down a path of destruction? God has placed this responsibility (Proverbs 22:6) on us to raise our children in a way that honors and glorifies him… but will we do it well enough?

If you’re a parent, you’ve probably had these thoughts. Even if you aren’t religions, you’ve probably had the thoughts of “am I doing enough to raise a good person?” I think these thoughts are normal. They’re expected. But they aren’t healthy or biblical. Throughout my (albeit very short) journey of motherhood, I’ve struggled a lot with this; however, I have recently been reading and learning and implementing ways to practically work on these fears.

First, we need a heart check…

Like I stated before, I think these feelings are normal, but Christians were not called to live in a spirit of fear. In Matthew 6:25-34, Jesus speaks on this. I love this passage, especially in this season of life. In our nature study at home, we’re learning about birds. Have you ever looked into how many species of birds there are? It’s mind blowing. And they’re all so beautiful. When I think about the shear number of birds and their needs, it’s amazing to think… God provides for them all. Not even just the sparrows. Not even just birds. Mammals, reptiles, amphibians, plants, insects… everything else that I’m not smart enough to remember… He takes care of all of them. How could we- even for a moment- think that God wouldn’t care for our children, too?

My super wise sister-in-law that I mentioned in the last post gave me some advice that I bring up often to people. I can’t remember the context of it exactly, but she was talking about a time she struggled with worrying about her kids and feeling responsible for different things. Then she said “it really shows how prideful I am.” I was very confused at where she was going, but listened intently anyways. “Who am I,” she continued, “to think that I am powerful enough to alter God’s plans for my children’s lives with an action or decision?” And nothing has ever felt more comforting to my soul. The God of the universe, who set everything into motion, is the God that created my children… and gave them to me. His plan for their lives will happen regardless of the choices I make. This doesn’t mean that I don’t do anything and hope for the best, but it does mean that I don’t have to worry or put pressure on myself to be the perfect mom. He has chosen me to raise them. He will equip me and be with me as I parent my two beautiful kids- all I have to do is lean on Him and trust Him.

Do as I Say, Not as I Do…

Is honestly one of my least favorite things to hear from parents. Not only are you teaching your children that you are a hypocrite and unreliable, you’re teaching them that honesty and integrity are not important traits. Additionally, children learn by seeing and experiencing more than hearing. There was an interesting study done by MSU in which they showed kids a video of someone taking a toy apart. 90% of the kids who were able to SEE the person disassemble the toy did the procedure the exact. same. way. That’s pretty telling of how children learn. If you have multiple children, you’ve seen this firsthand. My daughter is always copying her brother. It’s cute, but it’s also a reminder that my parenting can’t just be words. I have to follow it with action. In James 1:22, James warns us to not only be hearers of the words but doers, also. It’s no secret that the things we want people to believe have to be shown through our actions. Parents… please… don’t fall into the trap of making rules and expectations for your kids that you are not, too, willing to follow.

Morning Basket

Morning basket is something we have started this year, and it has been a wonderful addition for our family. This is typically a homeschool activity- and we do use it to do some group learning for certain subjects- but it can be used across the board, in my opinion. It not only starts off our day on a calm, Christ-centered note, but it helps someone like me who has big ideas but struggles with follow through. Each morning, as my kids eat breakfast, we begin our morning basket. During our morning basket time, we do our daily family devotionals, Bible study, prayer, character traits/habit training, and some worship. (I’d like to add here that-in my opinion- devotionals and studying the Bible are not the same. In devotionals, you are hearing someone else’s thoughts on God’s word; however, when you are studying the Bible, you are examining God’s word on your own with the help of the Holy Spirit.) We have been studying the Shorter Catechisms with Starr Meade’s Training Hearts, Teaching Minds. This book is an amazing book and helps your kids (and honestly, you) understand what they believe and why. Each week is a question, and each day of the week is answering that question with different scripture. It’s deep, rich, and also easily understood. We love it. Some other resources we use during this time are:

• Character Trait Cards by September & Co. (we LOVE these and my kids understand them so well!)
• Books of the Bible Cards by the Daily Grace Co. (we haven’t started this, but we will soon!)
• The Storybook Bible by Sally Lloyd Jones

Including God

One thing that is sometimes hard for me to remember because of the busyness of each day is that God is parenting with us. I think it’s important for children to be made aware of this, also… which is sometimes awkward. As an adult, most of my communication with God is done internally. I don’t typically talk out loud with Him as I’m walking around Walmart. I also don’t tend to burst out in praise and worship in public places; however, like I said before, kids learn by seeing and experiencing. As weird as it is for me still, I try to talk to God (out loud) throughout the day. I want my kids to understand what it’s like to be in constant communication with Him. I want them to know that I truly believe that he is ever-present and concerned with my daily life. I want them to see and hear what it’s like to go to Him with problems and frustrations. I want my kids to see me praising my Savior in song and sometimes cheering. This has been an incredibly difficult habit to create, but I think it genuinely makes a difference.

Consistency is Key

Like I said before, I’m the type of person with big dreams and ideas… but I struggle with the reality of making it happen and the follow through of finishing. This is something I’m really working hard to overcome- especially in this area of my life. Sometimes, I’ll be honest, I’m tired. I don’t want to go to church. I don’t want to do a Bible study at seven in the morning. Sometimes I’m not too happy with what God is doing. Sometimes it’s easier to not show my kids a godly mom, but taking the “easy” way out and not putting in the work is going to result in kids that are both in the world and of it. It is our responsibility to pour into our children, teach them God’s word, show them what a mom who chases after God’s own heart looks like, and do it all consistently.

I could go on forever about the things I’ve learned since becoming a mom. But it’s late and mama needs to go to sleep. If you have any other ideas to share, questions, or comments, PLEASE don’t hesitate to reach out. I LOVE hearing from you all.