Former Mom-Shamer

Motherhood is hard, yall.

There are so many decisions to make. And then you have to worry about if you made the right one. Mom-shaming is a popular phrase these days. I didn’t really know that mom-shaming was a thing until I got pregnant. It seemed like everyone had an opinion about EVERY. SINGLE. THING. when it came to raising a child. Natural birth vs. Epidurals, Breastfeeding vs. Formula, Vaccines vs. Non-Vaccines, Co-sleeping vs… NOT co-sleeping. The list goes on and on. Its easy to feel confused or overwhelmed when trying to decide what’s best for you and your family.

It’s even harder not to judge others when they didn’t come to the same conclusion as you.

I don’t care what anyone says. Everyone judges. No matter how open minded and accepting you are, you judge other people; however, judging others is a sin that I struggle with the most. Its very easy for me to fall into the trap of “I’m better than you because I chose this” or “You’re a bad ___ because you did ___.” No matter what the topic is, I constantly struggle with judging. Becoming an expectant mother made this much harder for me.

I decided I would have my baby naturally. He would be breastfeed for a year, sleep on his own, and get allllll the vaccinations. I also decided, subconsciously, that everyone who DIDN’T decide those things was wrong.

I’m ashamed to admit that I made comments like “I’m going to breastfeed. I think people who do formula just give up. I mean, everyone CAN breastfeed. They just get lazy or selfish. That’s why they choose formula.” Clearly, I had no idea what I was talking about. I lacked mercy and grace towards others. I passed judgment without even attempting to be understanding of various situations. I was set in my ways and didn’t agree with anyone who thought differently.

Then Simon came along.

Simon is a big kid. He was a big baby. He loved being in my belly. Therefore, Simon had to be induced. (Do you see where I’m going with this?) Once we had to be induced, natural childbirth went out the window. Ok. Maybe epidurals aren’t so bad. I guess those women who choose epidurals aren’t wrong after all. 

The first week was full of sleepless nights. Simon loved to snuggle, which I love. But this wasn’t the issue. Simon also had reflux. We didn’t know it at the time, but he had reflux. I would nurse him and get him sound to sleep, but the second I would lay him down, he would scream and scream. I was determined to lay him in his bassinet, beside my bed, and have him sleep. I wanted to be like all of the blogs I read and videos I watched. The ones where the mom and dad would lay the baby in the bassinet next to them, sleep soundly for a few hours, feed the baby, and lay the baby back down to sleep with ease. That never happened. The only time Simon slept was in my arms. For two months, I slept in a recliner holding him. This was the only way any of us were going to get rest. Ok. Maybe moms who choose to cosleep aren’t crazy, clingy people. 

Even though Simon was a big boy, eating was a struggle. We never could really get a strong latch. His blood sugar dropped, and we were forced to supplement until we could master the art of breastfeeding (HA!) and nurse enough to sustain him. At two weeks old, we realized Simon had a dairy and soy intolerance. I had to cut all of my favorite foods. This meant for a week or so- until I learned what to eat- I pretty much starved. This caused my supply to drop. Supplementing had to be increased until I could increase my supply. We finally got close to exclusively breastfeeding at the end of two months. At three months postpartum, I went back to work. Keeping up with my strict diet, as well as pumping, was extremely difficult. Yet again, my supply took a nosedive. At four months old, Simon’s gas and reflux were so severe that he would scream in pain for hours at night. As much as I loved nursing, we made the decision to stop and strictly formula feed. I cried for days. Once I realized how much happier he was, my opinions changed. Ok. Maybe not all moms who choose formula are lazy and selfish. 

Its interesting, when I think about it, how many lessons God can teach a person through a tiny baby. How drastically He can change your heart and life with the love of a little one. How all of your thoughts and opinions can change once you experience growing and raising a child. I never expected that through pregnancy and motherhood God would teach me to be more compassionate and less critical. More gracious and less judgmental.

I’m forever grateful that God allowed me to be a mom. Specifically, Simon’s mom. I’m also thankful that he is growing me and changing me to be more like Him each day. It’s really awesome to think that while I raise Simon, God is raising me. I am his daughter, and he is teaching me every day. God is preparing me, each day, to be the godly mom Simon needs. Before having a child, I worried that I wouldn’t be a good enough mother, teacher, role model, care giver. But God, in all of his awesomeness, is turning me into that person I didn’t know I could be.